“My God is huge and my God is able. If I don’t get what I ask Him for, I know I’ll get something bigger.” -Beth Moore
I worry. Everyday of my life I wasted some amount of time worrying. In my attempt to follow Jesus inadvertently less time has been spent worshiping this idol. Yes, idol. I set it up on a pedestal. It may even have a crown and sit in a throne a top that pedestal. It doesn’t always look like worry. No, it is planning, preparing, double checking. Occasionally I even masked it by saying I was “stepping out in faith”. But always with fear. God has been using many things to get me to see that no matter what my worries and prayers are He created the best plan for me and even the worries, frustrations, and disappointments in life are actually blessings. I still don’t get it.
Even though less time is being spent worrying about “stuff”, my worries have only shifted slightly.
I still worry about the bills, my family’s health and safety, and the dreaded question “what’s for dinner?”, but much less than before. Now I find the thoughts bouncing around my head have a much different theme.
“Are you hearing God speak? Is he really speaking to me?… Are you sure that’s what He’s saying and not just what you want to hear? You’re not listening! You must be doing something wrong!” the thoughts circle…
Why is it easier to settle into the comfort of God’s plan for me than it is to trust myself in relationship with Him? It’s the me in the mix that causes the worry. For some reason I allow this negative self talk to create doubt. At first it feels only like self doubt. With a second look you find the path circles back to doubting God’s promises and the root of my self doubt is a belief that I am not worthy. Finally, the realization dawns… This is what you do when you get tired of waiting, when you are not in control.
Dear God, my spirit is thankful that I am not in control, my flesh is not. You are sovereign! Your word clearly states my identity in Christ and assures us of your plan, provision and desire for relationship with us. Help me grow comfortable in your robe and surrender my life daily. I love you. In Jesus’ Name, Amen!