29 Jun

I find myself yearning for sisterly companionship A.LOT. lately.  There is just so much in my life that I desire to share with a caring, understanding ear.  The husband is great and all, but talking with him hasn’t helped fill the hole.

It’s moments like these that I grieve the relationships lost, broken, and never explored.

Many times in my past I have been guilty of causing pain.  Many times I have experienced pain.  I can now acknowledge that most times I caused the pain, I was acting in the moment, out of selfishness, to satisfy some need or want of my own and wound up injuring an innocent bystander.  I can also acknowledge that most of the instances in which I was hurt my expectations were unrealistically high.  We can all be so focused on what seems to be the highest priority at the moment that we wind up blind to the other important things around us.

I used to crave relationships with others who “love like I love”.  Oh, the arrogance!

Do I think I feel love strongly?  Yes!  But I used to think because someone would allow themselves to hurt me or someone else with betrayal or abandonment that meant their love wasn’t as good, more to the point – not good enough for me.

The fact of the matter is – we’re all broken.  We are all going to make mistakes.

Granted, I still don’t want to feel betrayed or abandoned by those whom I love.  My love is what has changed.  I have the desire to show my love and my acceptance, especially in the moment a mistake is made.

Now that I desire to do this, I find my life lacking in relationships with others and my relationships lacking life.

Now I’m praying for sisters, for friends.

1 Comment

Posted by on June 29, 2011 in Random


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One response to “Sisters

  1. Tracy

    July 6, 2011 at 5:24 pm

    Sometimes I miss you so much I ache. Many times I think about how much stronger I could be if we were closer. You were my shadow, my friend, and forever my sister. I long for us to be as close as we once were. I miss you with every ounce of my being. I dream about you, I wake wishing I could see you. I have become terrible at needing others in my life, even knowing I do need my sister. I’ve become too independent for my own good, and my life takes me away to the point of insanity and leaves no time for much other than my children and a moment of loneliness in the deep recesses of the dark night. I miss you. I miss you so much.


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